it's 1pm and i just woke up, ya if my dad hadn't made me i would of slept til tomorrow! today has to be a lil better than yesterday when all i wanted to do was overdose on stupid drugs. it's just today i'm having hard time even havin a purpose for today. it could be from trying to stop all my behavior meds that i have taken for like 15 years and also to stop all my worldly addictions. i do have to say though being clean for 4 days from drugs i know is a good thing.
i was sabataging my own life and i didn't even care. now i am surrounded by so much support and love that they won't let me anymore. i wanted help and Lord knows i needed it! i have never felt so loved in my whole life and i'm sooo thankful.
i got about 29 days left here though i can only take one at a time. my whole life i have been so selfish and did what i wanted when i wanted to do it. i hurt so many people along the way and i hate it so much. i can't go back though and i can't look back. The Lord has a purpose for my life, i just have to completely give up all of 'me' and begin to do everything different. first and foremost putting the old self behind and start living in the new person He has made me.
i won't lie i'm really sad and this is really hard. but i'm excited at the same time. i wanna know who i really am, what my purpose really is in life, i just have to find myself. i wish i could of done that hear but i detoured with every attempt. i'm gonna miss soo many things here and soo many people, it breaks my heart to think bout what i'll be gone for. but at same time i know if i stay, i'll continue what i was doing and end up dying or going to prison.
so this is it!! i'm not going alone i know that!!!
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