to be complete

hmmm am i really doing this nonsense lol ... who does this .. ash says it would be good for me soooo i guess i am ;)
off work today and kinda bored getting a coffee buzz to do what maybe jump on my bed and dance around and pretend i'm on american idol?!
i think i may 'hang out' in my closet (it's inside thing really but i have pics,letters,just stuff from my past that i need to go thru) it's weird i know. but that's where i left some of my past that someday i gotta deal with. it makes me sad and i always end up ballin like a lil baby, but i think sometimes its good for me. although i'm left empty and alone there's only one person to turn to and He will fill me up the way i need.
in all honesty i think i already feel so alone and completely empty. will i ever completely let Him fill me with grace, faith, love etc and not run away and stumble and fall. ....
i want clean hands and a pure heart but what's the measure i'm willing to take and the things i'm willing to completely give up and turn from?......